So Brit Brit and her bestie Will.I.Am have made a new club track that will give you nightmares. This track is seriously a hard case of BORING with a side of BLAH.

Britney is allegedly featured on this song, but trying to find her voice within the layers of production is like trying to find a cheese grit in an British restaurant, which is exactly where Brit Brit thinks she is because she puts on a hammy cockney accent for half of her contribution to the song, which doesn’t even sound like her.

Will.I.Am’s whole album is promising to be a huge dosage of boring,  but this song will probably be a smash club hit, but in the kind of club where gay dudes are sexing each other in booths. Radio will PASS thanks.

So Britney Spears has had a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of how cute she’s been looking over the past few years, but for her latest X-Factor appearances on the live shows i’ve gotta give her a slow hand clap, because obviously she’s been up at the gym just werkin on her fitness.

Daddy Spears has obviously moved the ham chops to another table and Jason Trawick stumbled upon the idea of removing the Cheetos from her Frappe Machine cupboard. 

Also on X-Factor this week, in a breaking development Brit appeared to be awake and started piping up with actual criticism and even took Simon down with an insult on his contestants after he critiqued on her song choice. Brit also came across well in her mentoring phase, where she seems stronger than any of the other judges - and also finally seems to have relaxed into the show after having been stiff in early stages.

I guess its a testament to us always wanting MOAR from Brit Brit that any time she says anything even remotely near to what other talent show judges often to and fro with, it becomes a news story. 

Buzzfeed brings us some of the most glamorous flowers of our time, including Cheese Model Lady, Coathair lady, and lady taking a picture of herself with a stick…lady.

None can match the glamour or elegance of BAG MAN though 

though honourable mention goes to this potential ASSSASIN

Real quick good news before rest because I’ve overdosed on working too hard just like Lindsay Lohan…

I finally shelled out ten whole dollars so we can rehouse our tumblr at LA-DELI.ORG, our old home. Hurrah! Feels cosy, like Monique’s legs after a cold winter. Former glory, RESTORED.

Please tell all your friends. Or i’ll punch you in the FUPA.

Thanks, Readers!

Dr. Mayim Bialik, aka BLOSSOM aka one half of the only funny acting pair in the BIG SHIT THEORY (The other half being the chick from 8 Simple Rules) often turns up to red carpet events looking like a hippy librarian who could really use an accident with a tweezer and a stylist who tells her that mustard is NEVER IN SEASON.

Well, colour me Bialik because it looks like our favourite flower on a spring morning has hit the stylist and has been bringing the serious GLAMOUR to everything.

Everyone loves Blossom, so we were sads to hear that she was in a car accident a few months back that could have permanently damaged one of her hands. Things other than fingers crossed that she’ll make a full recovery, because she’s looking hot! Sexy blossom is all im about in 2013.

It’s almost the end of 2012 (not really) but it IS the time where people totally ignore the fact we have two calendar months left before both

A. Artists stop selling albums that qualify as being part of the year 

and

B. The world ends because its the Kardashians will finally reveal their devious endgame as the rapture opens.

So it’s clearly time for us to hastenly crown the most influential pop artists of 2012 according to absolutely nobody except me! This list has been waited for by absolutely nobody with baited breath for many seconds. So I won’t keep you any longer. Let’s begin the countdown after the jump……

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Jennifer Garner looks like she’s maybe signed up for a movie that isn’t going to be either total trash (Arthur) or nobody will go see (Butter).

“The Dallas Buyers Club” stars Matthew McConaughey (ugh) as an AIDS patient and is based on a true story. It actually is shaping up pretty nicely with great directing and acting talent attached, and since McConaughey is going through a bit of a career uptick ,and has lost a lot of weight for the role, suggesting he’s after an Oscar for the film.  The movie has been in development for over 10 years and once had Brad Pitt attached to lead.

Also now signed on to the movie is Gael Garcia Bernal and in a rare move Jared Leto, who tends to pick carefully due to his music commitments. 

Garner has consistently deserved better than what she’s in onscreen, as she’s shown in Alias, 13 Going on 30 and Juno that she has diversity and range. As she remains in a semi-retirement mode due to her mothering duties, so for her to pick poorly in her few projects of the year seems to be bringing her acting career closer to oblivion.

Still, with her Vandalia films, Garner is quietly producing projects both for herself and for TV . Here’s for hoping the Dallas Buyers club will both re-inject her career with much needed success and also get her the acting props she deserves.

Have a look at these pictures of mass hysteria in Westfield Shopping centre and take a guess at who it was all for.

Bieber?

Britney?

Taylor Swift?

One Direction maybe?

Well stock up your bomb shelter and pray as the rapture approaches, because this scene of absolute madness in which girls fainted and had to be RESCUED FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING CROW was for none other than three wet farts lubed into condom dresses, THE FUCKING KARDASHIANS

Call me crazy but if you wanted to see a Kardashian why bother travelling to a living hell in Westfield shopping centre? Why not save yourself the bother, take a trip to the toilet, squeeze with three individual interviews and then look at your good work in the loo, VOILA, three Kardashians to flush.